Rag bag

And you would say, where's this girl, she's not writing anymore?
OK, it hasn't been so long... It happened a couple of things since, that's true. But the point is that the other day I finally discovered how to translate my blog (here we are) and I'm working on it, so everytime I log into blogger is to fix the thing (proving to be harder than I thought, my limited knowledge of hmtl is proving to not only limited but also obsolete...), and in the end, I don't feel like staring the screen anymore. Counting work hours and hobby, my eyues will end up like boiled eggs(and since I still don't have lenses, that wouldn't be good to my supermodel career, though I'm starting to forget it, I'm too old to change my bad habits for others).
Besides, I was quite angry with the world, to be truth. But it was productive, it has served well to answer me a doubt I have always had.
Why was I angry? Because I won two plane tickets (they said it in the mail: "you think you are one of those who never win anything? Change your mind!!" However, I'm sure that 90% percent of world population claims that they never win anything; if they just noticed how many things they have already won... moral: I'll never claim again that I don't win anything, although really this story comes from much before, the day in which, I, six years old, discovered, without knowing, the games theory)... And you would say: hey! cool! Yeah, so cool. But the tickets were from Europe, because they were a present by Vueling (paying the taxes), for that very weekend.
Of course if I could have gone, I'd been to one of the destinies I don't know yet, that very weekend, but I couldn't. After the attack in front of the computer, I though: uy, maybe it's not compulsory that I go and I can pass the tickets to someone... I checked and it was true, whoever who had the code could fly.... But no one could/would. Since "it's too of a rush" till "oh, this weekend I reallllly can't"... the only person who would have accepted was, obviously, on travel. And it's not that I got angry with particular people, it's not their fault, neither is new this angryness, because it has happened to me so many times before. But in teh current juncture, let say it had a different impact, because I went to its very root.
Of all my acquaintances, no one has been spontaneous enough to do something like this (and I'm sure that if I had been in Madrid, Iwouldn't have found who came with me). I would have done it, and everyone answers: of course, but you are you. Yeah, and let's say that's an important part of me. Of course almost anybody of my acquaintances is ready to prepare the bagages and clear off to another country, like that, without turn back...
What boils up of all this? That I am very well where I am, and that my new life suites me much better than the previous one, and that I should leave my past alone and go ahead.
Lately I've had some dissapointments that have somehow been the last straw... but livinf without expecting things of life and people is not living. Therefore, following The Little Prince's philosophy, I've decided to expect from people what they can give, which means on one side, reduce my expectatives, and on the other, look for who can share those expectatives that used to lead to dissapointments. There must be someone, I'm not such a freak. Pérez Reverte already said that.

Those are strange times, lately... revising my rag bag, I've found my old regretful though of why did I choose going to Italy on Eramus instead of going to some more productive place in terms of languages (Italian is nice, but... right now it would be much more useful speaking French without effort, and not chewing it; or having lived in London)... but if I hadn't gone to Italy in the first place, I'd have never been deployed to Rome afterwards and therefore I wouldn't be here... so end with the thought that I could have gone to someother place. Puff, cancelled though.

And, why did I go in the first place? Because inside me, I already knew by intuition that it wasn't enough... For sure there will be more things being produce from my rag bag, it's utterly in a mess, and my superaccurate horoscope sais that these days I have this tendency to daydreaming...

Nothing more poetic to end that using some verses of Don Juan Tenorio, which I've always liked, although they're really coward, putting the blame of own actions on the others. This is just the contrary that i'm doing right now, but we are still on November, and... I want to quote them, that's all.

Llamé al cielo y no me oyó (I claimed to Heavens and they didn't answer),
y pues si sus puertas me cierra (so, if their doors are closed to me,)
de mis pasos en la tierra (for my adventures on Earth)
responda el Cielo, y no yo. (let Heavens answer, and not me).